


Where You End and I Begin

by wallmakerrelict



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, I mean it doesn't take much they just need a little nudge, M/M, Mind Meld, Mutual Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, the Black Lion plays matchmaker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 00:45:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17777345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallmakerrelict/pseuds/wallmakerrelict
Summary: Over the years, and especially after their fight at the cloning facility, Keith and Shiro have left a lot unsaid. Shiro is riding with Pidge to try and avoid the conversation. But when a dangerous situation for Keith sets off Shiro's PTSD, they end up in the Black Lion together again. And Black isn't going to let them keep secrets anymore.





	Where You End and I Begin

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, [Micha](https://twitter.com/hv_micha)!
> 
> And many thanks to Coppi for beta reading!
> 
> Edit: now with [incredible artwork by Franki](https://twitter.com/effitsfranki/status/1150926115416023041?s=21)

“So I guess it’s not enough that we’re several galaxies from home with no castle, no wormholes, and no way to communicate with anyone, making a years-long road trip while every Galra faction, every pirate, and everything else in space tries to kill us. Now we have to deal with these ugly things?”

To punctuate his complaint, Lance ripped a worm off the Red Lion and waved it at the others. The worms were everywhere – each a foot long, segmented, with a mouth like an enormous suction cup. They’d picked them up while navigating the last asteroid field where the worms had emerged from the rocks and attached themselves by the dozens, sapping their quintessence and growing fat. The team had suited up, and were now crawling on the outside of their lions clearing the worms away.

The work was slow going, and Shiro found the task frustrating with only having one arm. However, he didn’t mind the work. He’d always loved EVAs, even before Voltron. Besides, it got claustrophobic inside the lions after months in space, and lonely when he could only see the others from a distance through a viewscreen. Now he could look to his right and see Hunk hanging from the Yellow Lion’s jaw, grunting as he kicked a worm loose, Allura jetpacking deftly around the Blue Lion and knocking worms away with quick sweeps of her bayard.

Chuckling, Shiro looked to his left where Keith was rushing around the Black Lion, head down, quietly working as always. But he must have sensed Shiro looking at him, because he raised his head and gave a wave. Shiro let go to wave back, then quickly had to grab hold of the Green Lion again before he floated away.

Pidge was just above him, sitting atop her lion and firing the grappling hook of her bayard at the worms all around her. They flew away as they were hit, each with a soft screech. “You shouldn’t talk about your family like that!” she quipped at Lance, then squeaked and scrambled onto the far side of her lion as Lance threw the worm at her.

Two people working together on the smallest of the lions made quick work of the energy-sucking slugs and Green was clear first. Pidge did a little flip through the void of space as she hopped over to help Hunk with the Yellow Lion. Shiro went the other way. 

He kicked off the Green Lion toward Black. It was the biggest, and so had the most area to cover. As soon as he touched it, he felt a surge of warmth and recognition. He might not be its paladin anymore – he hadn’t tried to pilot it since his return from its inner consciousness, and for Keith’s sake he probably never would – but the Black Lion still knew and loved him. He felt so at home here, for a moment he wondered why he’d started flying with Pidge, instead.

“Come to help me out?” said Keith.

Shiro looked up. Keith was holding on to his lion one-handed, the long, lean lines of his body arcing upwards in the zero-gravity. With a deft pull, he nudged himself closer to his lion and hooked his feet under the lip of an exhaust port. He used the leverage to kick off the port, skimming over the lion’s chassis to grab a handhold closer to Shiro. He was close enough for Shiro to get a good look at him through his face shield. Those big eyes, blue under Earth’s atmosphere, reflected the stars and looked almost silver now. Keith’s mouth twitched into the tiniest of smiles, and Shiro felt such a surge of longing that he had to try twice before he managed to answer, “You looked like you could use a hand. And I still have one to spare.”

Oh right. That was why he’d left the Black Lion a short time into their journey. 

He’d always had a fondness for Keith. It had been many years since he’d been able to imagine a future for himself that didn’t involve Keith. There had been times since they’d become paladins of Voltron that he’d even allowed himself to acknowledge the fact that his feelings had inexorably shifted from those of a mentor toward his pupil to those of a man toward the person he loved best in the universe. He’d even allowed himself to think, for one brief moment after Keith had returned from the quantum abyss older and more confident and even more painfully beautiful than before, that he might act on those feelings.

The urge was overwhelming now, as it had been ever since he opened his eyes to a second chance at life and looked first at Keith’s face. He was drawn toward him like gravity, with an ache in his heart and a confession on the tip of his tongue.

But before he could find the words, Keith turned and Shiro caught sight of the burn on his cheek that was slowly healing into a deep scar. His chance had passed. No matter what his feelings were now, there was no repairing what had happened between them just as there was no erasing that scar.

They quietly worked, and it wasn’t long before Pidge and Hunk finished clearing the Yellow Lion. Allura wasn’t far behind, and despite his grumbling Lance managed to remove all his worms as well. “Need some help?” he called over to Black.

“We’re almost done,” said Keith. 

Lance made his way back into his lion. Suddenly, it was just Shiro and Keith still outside.

They were searching out the last few clinging worms when Pidge’s voice hailed them over their helmet coms. “Guys, a small arm of that asteroid field is rotating toward us. It’s going to get nasty out there in a few seconds. You should get inside.”

“Copy,” Keith replied, and kicked his way toward the hatch. Pebbles were already clacking against the Black Lion’s hull as they passed. Shiro could hear the impacts as vibrations through his armor. As he crawled after Keith, the pebbles came thicker and faster. Heavier impacts shook the lion’s frame as rocks the size of golf balls bounced off its metal.

It only took seconds for the shower to become a hailstorm. The asteroids were still growing in size as the thickest part of the field passed over them. Keith had reached the hatch, but instead of going inside to safety, he looked back at where Shiro was still struggling along one-handed and dodging rocks as big as his fist.

“Get inside!” Shiro shouted up at him.

Keith shook his head. “You first!”

“I’m right behind you! Just go!”

Keith opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak the biggest asteroid yet rocketed out of the darkness and crunched into his ribs. The impact peeled his hands loose of their holds and threw him out of sight behind the curve of the lion’s hull. Shiro heard a pained grunt and the whoosh of air being driven from Keith’s lungs. And then, silence.

“Keith got hit!” Shiro shouted.

“Is he okay?” said Hunk.

“Which way did he go?” Pidge chimed in.

“I don’t see him!”

“Keith?!”

Everyone roared through the coms but their voices faded out like a weak radio signal, replaced by the static of his own breathing as it reverberated harsh and fast inside his helmet. Shiro couldn’t concentrate to notice who was speaking or even to parse out the words. He thought one of the voices calling out might have been his own, but he didn’t recognize it either.

He kicked off Black to fly after Keith. Everything was dreamlike and so, so slow. He could barely feel his body, except for the claustrophobic press of his armor. Behind the Black Lion, there was nothing but tumbling asteroids over swirling stars on a field of inky black. He looked for movement, for white, for red. Fog clouded the polymer of his faceshield, and its aperture seemed to narrow. The dizzying void spun and blurred ever more violently the longer Shiro looked into it and didn’t find Keith.

Suddenly, a flash of electric blue cut through the darkness, Kosmo materializing in front of him. Shiro’s brain lagged a few seconds behind reality. He didn’t recognize the wolf until he was already gone, poofing out of existence again just as quickly as he’d arrived. When Kosmo returned, it was to deposit Keith into Shiro’s arm.

Shiro fumbled, clumsy fingers sliding on armor until he managed to grab Keith’s arm. Keith was gasping soundlessly, choking, tears in the corners of his eyes. Internal injuries? A breach in his suit? Shiro didn’t have time to spin out all the awful possibilities before Keith drew a full, shaky breath and coughed. His next few breaths came easier until he was able to groan out, “Ugh… knocked the wind out of me.” He glanced over Shiro’s shoulder at Kosmo and added, “Thanks, boy.”

Then he looked at Shiro. His eyes narrowed. “You okay?”

Shiro wasn’t sure if he managed to respond. Even with Keith safe in front of him, everything was still a blur. Somehow, he got Keith back to the Black Lion (or maybe Keith got him back there) and then they were inside. Before, his panic had stretched out each second into hours. Now everything seemed to speed up around him, the pulsing adrenaline making him tired and slow.

Krolia helped Keith out of his armor while the rest of the team kept a running commentary through the speakers.

Pidge said cheerfully, “I’m adding this to the list of times Keith’s almost died!”

Keith lifted his arms so that Krolia could undo the clasps on his chest plate. He tilted his head to shout back at the microphone, “I didn’t almost die! I’m fine!”

Lance chimed in, “He’s been trying to get killed in glorious battle for years. If after all that an asteroid had taken him out while he was on cleaning duty it would have been a real tragedy.”

“Have we tried putting a leash on him yet?” said Hunk. “You know, to catch him when he tries to launch himself into certain death?”

“Don’t make light of this with silly suggestions!” Allura snapped, making everyone fall sheepishly quiet.

“Thank you,” Keith grumbled.

But Allura only went on, “It’s obvious a leash wouldn’t be enough. Perhaps some sort of large net?”

The others burst into laughter, and Keith tried not to crack a smile.

Once Krolia finished pulling Keith’s armor off she peeled open his body suit to reveal an angry red mark under his left arm that promised to become a nasty bruise. Keith touched it and winced, earning a light whap to the head. “You’ll live,” she said, as she took a compression bandage out of the medkit and wrapped it around Keith’s chest. “Don’t make me worry like that.”

“Sorry, mom.”

The danger had passed. Everyone else could sense it. They were joking about it. Keith was fine. But still Shiro’s mind roared like a fire in his ears, and his body stayed tensed and coiled against danger. An uncontrollable, disproportionate response. It didn’t matter what his rational mind knew, or what was in front of his eyes. His stomach had dropped the moment Keith had disappeared from his sight, and now he couldn’t make it stop dropping. It would only stop when he was too hollow and exhausted, body and mind, to continue his anxious spiral. And sometimes not even then.

It had been like this since he’d escaped from Zarkon’s arena. He wasn’t sure why he’d thought death and rebirth would cure him of it – he had the same traumatized mind as before, just now with a few extra traumas layered on top. Of course it would be the same. Of course it would be worse. 

He’d learned to hide the signs. It didn’t paralyze him like it used to. But he felt it, scratching at the inside of his skin and squeezing at his lungs. It didn’t matter that Keith was right in front of him, alive and smiling. Shiro was back at their first battle with Zarkon, racing to intercept the killing blow that was falling toward the disabled Red Lion. He was in a nightmare about a Marmora fighter speeding toward a particle barrier – one of the many he’d had since learning what Keith had almost done at Naxzela. He was watching through the Black Lion’s eyes as Keith held tight to Shiro’s body, and fell.

In the back of his mind, Shiro heard as the others kept teasing Keith. Lance quipped, “If he can dodge a sword, you’d think he’d be able to dodge a big-ass rock!”

“Psh!” Pidge scoffed, “You saw him after his trial with the Blades. He can’t dodge a sword, either.”

Keith zipped his suit up over the bandage and said, “Okay, that’s enough. It’s time to get moving. Now that we’re through that asteroid field we should have a clear path for the next few days. Let’s use it.”

He got up, shrugging his shoulders to get used to the pressure of the bandage, and made for the cockpit. On instinct, Shiro floated close behind him. Being near him didn’t make the panic go away, but the thought of letting Keith out of sight right now was unbearable. If anyone expected him to return the Green Lion, no one said anything. 

Krolia started to get up to follow them, but one look at Shiro and she settled back down on her bed in the hold. Once through, the cockpit door slid closed behind him, separating them from Krolia. Keith had already found the pilot’s seat, and Shiro moved to stand beside him, trying not to stare. 

Through the coms, Shiro heard the sound of the other lions powering up. Keith nudged the controls, and the Black Lion responded. 

Once they were moving, Keith locked the controls in place and let the Black Lion coast along. He settled back into his seat, but soon leaned forward again, fidgeting. He got up and stretched, swinging his arms like he was trying to loosen up a cramp, and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Are you in pain?” said Shiro.

“No,” Keith replied through his teeth. He hesitated, then reached over and switched off the coms to the other lions. “Just… something’s wrong.”

“What?”

“I don’t know.” Keith paced around the cockpit nervously. “I just have a feeling like something bad is going to happen. It doesn’t make sense.”

“You took a pretty good hit,” Shiro pointed out. “No shame in being a little shook up.”

Keith shook his head. “It’s not that. It’s like the feeling isn’t even coming from me. It almost feels like connecting to the Black Lion, you know? But when Black talks to me, it shows me the way forward. This is different. It’s this nervous energy pulling me back, making me tense. I don’t know where it’s coming from.”

“It’s me.” Shiro said it before he even fully understood it. But it was true. He should have seen it sooner. Two fully-realized Black Paladins sharing a lion. They were connected in a way beyond explaining. The Black Lion could feel Shiro’s anxiety. It was holding it, and it was feeding it into Keith. Sure of it now, he repeated, “It’s coming from me.”

“From y…?” Shiro watched as Keith suddenly understood. He stared for a moment. Then he grabbed Shiro by the arm and gestured toward the pilot’s seat. “Sit down,” he said.

“I don’t…” Shiro started to say.

Keith didn’t let him finish. “You’re pretending to be okay, but you’re not. Sit. Down.”

Shiro sat, and halfway down his legs gave out. He fell the rest of the way into the seat, and even when the weight was off his legs he couldn’t stop them from shaking. He leaned his arm across his knees to try to hide it. The floor of the cockpit faded in and out of focus as he drew deep, calming breaths that did nothing to calm him.

His own voice sounded muffled and distant when he said, “This is stupid.”

“No, it’s not,” said Keith, and his voice was the only thing that Shiro could hear clearly.

Strong hands fell on his shoulders. Something touched his forehead. It steadied him just enough that he dared to look up, and found Keith’s face right in front of his eyes. It surprised him so much that it almost made him forget his panic.

“Let me try something,” said Keith. “Hold on to me.”

Shiro could sense immediately what Keith meant. He reached out, not with his hand but with his mind, and searched out Keith within the Black Lion’s consciousness. He was there, a glimmer in the darkness. They were stars in orbit. Each of their gravities tugged at the other. Before, Shiro’s anxiety had pulled at Keith. Now they pushed the connection the other way, and let Keith’s stillness overtake Shiro’s chaos.

His muscles uncoiled. His heart slowed. The room gently settled back into focus as his worry settled into nothingness. He was himself again. Keith was right in front of him, safe, and now he could make himself believe it. He knew from experience that episodes like this could last for hours or even days, and he’d been prepared to ride it out. 

But now it was just gone.

“Don’t let go,” he begged, and put his hand on the back of Keith’s head to hold him close. They didn’t need to be touching for this to work, probably, but he held tight anyway.

“I won’t,” Keith murmured.

They rested there, Shiro basking in relief. It took a minute or two for the rush of relief to subside. Then a flush rose on Shiro’s cheeks. Keith’s forehead was still pressed against his. He could feel Keith’s breath on his lips. He was still staring into Keith’s eyes, inches apart. Just below the right one, the tapered end of the scar stabbed into view. That longing hit him again, like a warmth in his gut and an ache in his heart, and he closed his eyes so Keith wouldn’t see it.

“Shiro,” said Keith, his voice quiet but close enough to make the back of Shiro’s neck tingle with every syllable. “Do I make you sad?”

“What are you talking about?” Shiro whispered to keep his voice from cracking. He didn’t open his eyes.

“Ever since you came back,” said Keith. He didn’t say, _from the dead_ , but Shiro knew what he meant. “Whenever you look at me, I feel this wave of sadness and regret. I didn’t know why. But I felt it again just now, and it’s coming from you.”

“You make me proud,” Shiro assured him. He let his hand slip from the back of Keith’s head down to his cheek, and ran his thumb over the shiny, raised scar there. “That’s why I regret what I did to you.”

“I forgave you for that.”

Shiro shook his head, careful not to lose contact with Keith. “I don’t forgive myself,” he said.

“Is that why you left?” Keith must have thought that sounded too accusatory, because he immediately amended it to, “I mean, is that why you’re flying with Pidge, now?”

It was hard to lie to Keith even at the best of times. Now, with their minds entwined, it was impossible. “No. I left because whenever I look at you, I start missing something I never had. Like wanting to go home. Like chasing something that’s always just out of reach. I couldn’t stand it.” And as he said it, he realized what it meant.

“That’s me,” Keith confirmed. “It’s coming from me.”

Their orbits tightened. They spiraled into each other, too late to escape the fall. Shiro didn’t want to escape. The longing he’d felt tessellated in front of him, no longer just a feeling but an entire history. To Keith, he’d been a shining paragon, too distant to touch. And then an unlikely friend, too good to presume to ask for more. Then a respected leader, then lost, then found, and by then whatever was between them was too precious to risk on a declaration of love, so Keith had contented himself to follow Shiro to the ends of the universe. Protecting him. Admiring him. And every day, swallowing his own heart.

He knew Keith was looking into him, too, examining years of regret. Shiro had found in Keith a star to match his own brightness, to replace him when he’d faded away. He’d tried to nurture that light. Instead, he’d failed Keith at every turn. He’d abandoned him, asked too much of him, pushed him away. Died on him. Turned his sword on him. And through every hardship, Keith had only grown stronger and shined brighter until Shiro could no longer accept fading out of his life. Keith was a miracle that he didn’t deserve, but would never be strong enough to walk away from.

Keith bent his knees against the pilot’s seat, bracketing Shiro’s thighs, and when he rocked forward to sit on Shiro’s lap their noses touched. They were too close now to see clearly. Keith’s eyes were just a smear of color in front of him. But as they spun ever closer, minds and memories overlapping, they saw more of each other than ever before.

“I have no regrets with you,” said Keith to Shiro’s sadness.

To Keith’s hesitation, Shiro said, “I’m already yours.”

The distance between them was so narrow, the next beat of their hearts was enough force to close it. Their lips met like a collision of stars. Shiro couldn’t feel the push and pull of Keith’s thoughts against his own anymore. Their thoughts were the same. No more guilt and no more fear, just love feeding back upon love upon love upon love. 

It started as a gentle press of lips, but Shiro wanted more and he could feel Keith wanting more and it was so easy to lean into that wanting. They opened their mouths and dove into each other. Keith held Shiro’s face in his hands. Shiro looped his arm around Keith’s back to slide him closer. Years of waiting spilled over as blinding passion. Shiro kissed him until he couldn’t breathe, until he couldn’t think, until muffled, ecstatic noises escaped his mouth with every rake of Keith’s fingers through his hair.

Keith’s hands dropped lower, sliding down Shiro’s neck and onto his chest. When he started fumbling with the clasps on Shiro’s armor, haste made him so clumsy that he leaned back too far and nudged the control panel with his elbow. 

Something beeped, and suddenly the coms blinked back on. “Keeeeeeith!” Lance was already calling. “Keith! Are you there? Guys, I don’t think he can hear us.” 

“Shit…” Keith muttered as he broke their kiss. Shiro hoped no one would notice that Keith still sounded breathless as he replied, “We’re here. What’s wrong?” 

“There you are,” said Allura. “You’re falling behind. Is everything alright?” 

Keith nodded his head onto Shiro’s shoulder with a sigh, and Shiro pressed his face into the curve of Keith’s neck to stifle a laugh. “Everything’s fine. We’ll catch up in a minute.” 

Shiro whispered low enough that the coms wouldn’t pick up his voice, “I feel better now. You can have your seat back.” He started to stand up, but Keith leaned on him and forced him back down. 

Keith flipped around to sit on Shiro’s lap. It should have been cramped and awkward, but somehow the pilot’s chair was deeper and wider than before, and they both fit comfortably. “Don’t you get it?” Keith whispered back. “This is what the Black Lion has been trying to tell us. You belong here. With Black. With me.” 

Keith released the autopilot. The controls clicked back into reach. Shiro put his hand out unthinkingly, then stopped when he remembered that he needed two to steer. Before he could pull away, Keith grabbed his hand and put it on the left handle. Keith took the right. 

They pushed forward in perfect unison, making the engines hum as the Black Lion carried both its paladins closer to home.


End file.
